Monday, September 15, 2008

If You Pray...

In the last few weeks, many, many people have told me that they will be praying for me as I spend time in Tanzania. I appreciate this because I know it comes from a place of sincere desire to wish me the best and is an indication of a common belief in a loving Spirit that surrounds us all. I appreciate these sentiments and the kindness and sense of community that comes with them. I know that they are all well-intended, and my first response is always, “Thank you”. My next response, however, is an unspoken “What does that mean?” What, specifically, are people praying for? The answers, though I will likely never know them, shed a light on the way in which we view the world. To the one person who took the time to ask what I might want him to pray for, thank you. That question gave me pause and prompted me to share the response with all of you. It is not my intent to alienate anyone, merely a desire to let you know what is on my mind tonight, one week before I leave.

Many have commented that I am brave or noble for seeking out this experience. I respectfully disagree. 80% of the people in this world live in what we consider “sub-standard” housing. I will voluntarily be joining them for three short months. I have already been told that the brief moment in time I spend walking in their shoes will open doors for me to better graduate programs and better career opportunities once I return to the comforts of home. “Noble” is hardly the word that comes to mind.

If you pray, do not pray for my health. I have had countless vaccinations, will take anti -malarials and antibiotics with me, will have plenty of bottled water, and will have full access to treatment at a clinic in Arusha and hospital in Nairobi should the need arise. Pray instead for the millions of people in world whose resources prevent them from ever receiving such care, forcing them to suffer in silence.

If you pray, do not pray that I would be sheltered from harm should political unrest arise. Tanzania is peaceful, and the U.S. Embassy will have my name and location, quite literally keeping the other volunteers and me a top priority in the unlikely event that problems arise. Pray instead for the many regions of the world in which people have committed the unforgiveable crime of being born in the wrong place at the wrong time, becoming casualties in conflicts they did not create, people whose lives will be reduced to the category of “collateral damage”, nombres desconocidos, not important enough even to require an accurate count.

If you pray, do not pray that I will find enough to eat. The families who have graciously agreed to open their homes to me will provide nutritious meals of ugali, rice, potatoes, noodles, beans, eggplant, greens, tea, eggs, porridge, and fruit. On weekends, trips to the nearest city will provide the opportunity to dine in the many restaurants that cater to tourists. Pray instead for the 50% of the world population that is continuously malnourished.

If you pray, do not pray that I will always be able to find someone who is fluent in English to help me. Pray that I would have the discipline and humility to continuously improve my limited Swahili vocabulary, forever setting aside the arrogant notion that the whole world should speak my language.

If you pray, do not pray that I will be surrounded by people whose religious beliefs are similar to my own. Pray instead that I would have an open mind and heart enough to realize that the spiritual experiences of all traditions are as significant and meaningful as my own.

If you pray, do not pray that things will be organized and smooth for me. Pray instead that I will have patience in the midst of chaos, gentleness in the midst of conflict.

If you pray, pray that I will be remember that the privilege and power I have been accustomed to my entire life is not a divine right, but a product of unjust systems in the world, amplified by my own inaction and apathy.

During the months of “pre-field training” for this experience, we were asked to read To Hell with Good Intentions by Ivan Illich. Written in 1968, it is an incredibly harsh speech delivered to American volunteers about to begin a service project in Mexico. Illich criticizes Americans who “attempt to soothe their troubled consciences” in areas where they are “linguistically deaf and dumb”. He goes on to say that it is profoundly damaging to impose your ideals and declare that all your actions are helpful, good, and sacrificial, and tells would-be volunteers that “if you insist on working with the poor, then at least work among the poor who can tell you to go to hell.” The first time I read it, I was indignant. The second time, convicted. The third and many times since were a conscious commitment that I would do my best to ensure that I do not become the embodiment of his words.

Pray that I remember that I am not an expert. Pray that I remember that I am as much the student as the teacher. Pray that I will be culturally sensitive and aware enough to be an effective teacher, that I will earn the right to be heard, that I will play a small but significant role in educating people about HIV/AIDS, as well as in helping Tanzanians become advocates for better health education in their own villages. Pray that the work I do will be relevant and sustainable.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your thoughtful prayer list. I will keep that in mind as I think of you in Tanzania. My best wishes and blessings of the Spirit go with you. I feel privileged to be a very small part of your experience.

Anonymous said...

Natalie, this was an amazing entry! I could feel your sincerity, humbleness, gratitude, love and respect for God. You are also an amazing writer. You seem to have the perfect mindset for going on a trip like this, ON A MISSION. You will feel our prayers, God Bless You.
Tracy

Gina P in AZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gina P in AZ said...

Wow! This is really instructive for anyone praying for people in mission, whether they ask us to pray in this way or not!

May you have a continued sense of purpose. I know the people will be blessed by you!